Last week the author of Belle de Jour diary of a London call girl outed herself as scientist Dr Brook Magnanti. This got me thinking. Hmm, call girl. A friend of mine was a high class call girl and spoke with great enthusiasm about her experiences. So I'm wondering. Is this something I could do?
I harbour a great deal of excitement for this idea. It's exciting, thrilling even. I don't know if I will go through with it, I may get to my first brothel and decide it's not for me. In which case this blog will sit neglected and forgotten.
First I need a name. I have decided on Lucy. The name of the Australopithecus afarensis specimen discovered in 1974 while the Beatles tune 'Lucy in the sky with diamonds' played. Not because that, but because it's an archetypal girl-next-door name. A name that's not a stripper name, a name that could be mine. A very human name... maybe I'm approaching this wrong.
I've backed it up with Johnson, which is in the top 20 most common US surnames. Chosen this time not because of its lack of personality but because of it's connections. This is what it says about 'Johnson' in the urban dictionary:
Slang for penis.
Anita Johnson = "I need a johnson", ie, a woman who needs to get laid really bad.
Annie Johnson = "Any Johnson" = I'll take any johnson I can get.
Emma Johnson = "I'm a johnson" = a "woman" who is REALLY a man.
Harry Johnson = "hairy johnson" = a guy who doesn't trim his bush.
Lisa Johnson = "lease a johnson" = a woman who hires male prostitutes.
Max Johnson = super huge penis, or man who has one.
Sarah Johnson = "Is there Johnson (around here)?" = a woman hunting for cock.
Sharon Johnson = "sharin' johnson" = a chick who likes to have more than one penis in her at the same time.
So I'm joining the Johnson family of novelty names.