Sunday, February 14, 2010

In a good place right now

Today at my day job my boss - seeing I had another light week ahead - jokingly suggested that I go 'on the game' to help the company pay off it's next GST bill. I blushed, hopefully it appeared to be a blush of 'oh-the-suggestion' more than a blush of 'if-only-you-knew'. It would never have been interpreted as a blush of 'oh-I-say-that's-inappropriate-humour-for-the-workplace' as my day-job is a very fun, light, un-PC and easy-going place to work.

I didn't work in the brothel over the weekend, I had other things to do. I love the flexibility of this job. I caught up with Dorian, she occasionally does jobs for another brothel, it's a lot more exclusive than mine, and the work tends to be on-call rather than shift work. Although to demonstrate either how good she is, or how high-class her establishment is, sometimes she can be booked a week in advance.

It was great to sit down with another working girl and just chat. It has made me realise how much has changed in my life since I started working as a prostitute. Even though I only work part-time the changes have been immense.

- Finances: there is no doubt, this occupation pays well, I have a student loan debt (which doesn't really count, they are pretty ubiquitous for any New Zealander educated in the 90s) and a large ($11,500) debt from travelling (which does count). Previously this would keep me up at night, now I know that the travelling debt will be clear in one year.

- Freedom: a knock on effect from knowing I'll be debt-free (not counting student loan) in one year, and will have been able to save enough money in the year after that. I don't have to stay here in boring little New Zealand, I will be free to travel, or move, It's good to have choices.

- Home: as soon as I started working I realised that I no longer had to live in a filthy, damp, dark flat, I could get a nice place, closer to town. It is only a little bit more expensive, but before working I was reluctant to make any changes that might incur any higher outgoing costs.

- Quality of life: I'm over 30, I have lived overseas for 10 years, and even though I have always worked very mundane and unskilled jobs, I always managed to save about one third of my income, I have found that impossible in New Zealand, even though my day job pays me very well for what I do, I found myself not seeing a movie, or buying a drink because it would stretch the budget too much. I don't want to think like that in my 30s.

- Sexual confidence and competence: practice may not make perfect, but it sure helps. Getting to explore a wide variety of sexual practice is both fun and educational.

- Better understanding of men: I'm learning a lot about people. Maybe because I'm not yet jaded, I'm learning that everybody needs a bit of love, that everybody wants attention, everybody wants to be liked. Some people have to pay to get that. It seems unfair as I think everybody deserves to be loved.

- Strengthening interpersonal skills: seeing the humanness in people I think makes me a better person. Some of the skills I use in the brothel (first impressions, making people feel comfortable, sales, self-promotion etc) transfer very well to other aspects of life.

So overall I'm financially more stable, I'm more confident, and generally happier. I really don't want to glamourise prostitution too much, because it's a just a job and it does have it's own disadvantages. Working a 6 day week and not being entirely truthful to people I care about is not ideal. But at this moment, for me, it's working out really well. best decision I made since moving back to New Zealand.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

A posh wank and telling The Boy.

Yesterday's shift was my slowest one yet. Only two bookings all day. It was Waitangi Day in New Zealand, a public holiday with a lot of events on, So even though it fell on a Saturday I guess the punters had other plans.

I did a "posh wank" which consisted of pulling down on the client's balls and putting a couple of fingers up his arse (inside a condom and with lube) while he masturbates. I started out trying to find the prostate, I understand it's about 4cm up on the belly side, my fingers are not that long so when I thought I had it I was limited to the types of strokes I could do. I then realised I had completely the wrong approach: I needed to look him in the eyes, thrust my hips and look like I was fucking him. It's about connecting with the client and attending to his specific needs, not about attempting a by-the-book technique. It was fun, I told him he should buy a strap-on and bring it in next time.

I have been on a few dates with a very lovely boy. It's all going well and he's utterly desirable. I invited him over to my house for dinner (with sex very much implied). We met up in the park before hand and chatted about our days, I was nervous. I would be disappointed if he couldn't handle it. I would understand if he wanted out - not every man can handle dating a women who regularly has sex with strangers. But I thought that it was his right to know what kind of woman he was getting involved with. Also, I like this guy, I want to spend time with him, I want to get to know him better, the longer I don't mention it the harder it would be, and the more I would have to omit along the way. I didn't really want to tell him, but I couldn't see a way to not tell him. Better sooner than later.

I had made him promise to keep it a secret first. I had spent the week trying to find a way to phrase it softly, I went with "On Saturdays I work part time as a prostitute". Pretty to-the-point. Surprisingly, it worked. It's cool, we were able to have an open and frank conversation. Me admitting to being less-than-ideal as a date actually allowed him to open up and admit something he had been reluctant to share. And it was all good, in fact very cathartic.

That night we had delicious sex with no time limits, no enforced showering, no secret insertions of lube, no obsessive checking of the condom, and a hell of a lot of fun. Awesome.