A proud prostitute but a silent prostitute

I'm enjoying being a prostitute, I find it interesting and unusual and I feel like it gives me insight into strange and wondrous worlds. I also feel like it stops me from disintegrating into the hum-drum averageness of a mundane life (a great fear of mine). But I can't share this with anyone. I guess that is where the blog comes in. There are wonderful people in my life who, when they say "what did you get up to on the weekend?" I'd like to answer fully, honestly, openly, have a bit of a laugh and move on. But that can't happen. I'm a whore and that's not normal... or acceptable.

It's kind of annoying in many respects, but it is part and parcel of the job. I am grateful that I have Dorian close by to chat to, and Amazon only an email away. An excellent example is recently I got a really great review on New Zealand Adult Forums. I was utterly delighted, I have never read a written review of my sexual performance before. The reviewer was wonderful in that he gave away enough practical details to be accurate but left enough out that my identity and an air of mystery remained intact. I was so excited I emailed the full review to both Amazon and Dorian. But I can't post it on facebook or print it out for my mum to stick on the fridge. I guess forced anonymity keeps me humble in a way.

I take great pride in my job and really, really want to deliver fantastic service, but sometimes it's hard to tell if you are really reaching each individual customer on their level. I know you can't please all the people all the time, but I want to be the best I can be for each client. I do some things better than others, I'm great at providing the 'girlfriend experience' and I'm not so good at providing the 'pornstar experience' which means I'm good at listening, smiling and making eye-contact. I'm not so brilliant at athletic fucking or talking dirty. The latter I'm working on. The Em & Lo blog used to have a really good post on dirty talk suggestions, they used to have a massive amount of really good posts that got lost when they changed their URL. Oh well at least there are places like about.com for dirty talking basics. Yep, even a pro has to look it up sometimes.

Talking about blogs, I really enjoy reading Cocaine Girl, a very human, very raw, very honest account from a London prostitute, writer, and junkie. I admire her and at the same time I want to save her, and then I criticise myself for wanting to save her as I know there would be many people who would not think my lifestyle choices are my own and would want to save me from myself. I also like a blog called Courtesan: luxuriant woman which has a variety of rather poetic resources, but can be a bit too media-heavy for my little computer to handle.

Did I mention I got a fantastic client review on an adult forums site?

Working during my period

This post was bound to happen sometime. I have my period for 5 days out of each 30, I work 3 days out of 30, one day I was going to work a shift while I had my period. My period is ridiculously heavy for the first 30 hours and then very light for the rest of the time. On Saturday I happened to work during that 1st 30 hours.

I thought I had it all under control. I have had sex during my period before with the assistance of a fantastic product recommended to me by Amazon called a Beppy. It's an artificial sponge that has been shaped to sit over the cervix and collect the blood, it has a hole molded in one side that you can hook a finger into to retrieve. Beppys even come in a lovely 'wet' variety that have a nice smelling lube that makes it easier for insertion and kind of cleans as it goes in. Wonderful product. Not sold in New Zealand (I'll probably buy them online and get them sent over... it's worth it).

I had a menstrual sponge which I thought was the same. Mistake. Firstly the sponge was natural so it was inconsistently textured and not as dense at the beppy, therefore it couldn't hold as much blood. Secondly it wasn't as soft as a beppy and I thought it might have been felt by the clients. and thirdly there was no hole, it's a sphere, which meant the easiest way of getting it out was to pry it way from the sides with the tips of the fingers or use an opposable thumb... thumbs are much shorter than other digits and this is not an easy task. Removal involved squatting at the bottom of the shower attempting to retrieve this elusive device that had been pushed way, way up there. Fortunately the heavy bleeding meant the sponge was full of liquid and easier to retrieve. If I couldn't get it out I would have had to had a bath to fill it with water and dig it out then. It's a messy and unglamorous business. Of course done only after the client had left the room.

I had two jobs, both lovely men, and at the end of both jobs there was blood on the end of the condom. Eugh. On both occasions I swiftly move in and removed the condom, folding into a tissue before they noticed. During orgasm a part of the brain shuts down, there's an interesting article about it on How Stuff Works. So while they slowly recovered full brain function it was not too difficult to sneak that past the clients. And there was no blood anywhere else so I think I managed to get away with it this time.

What I have learnt for next time: 1. Avoid working during the heaviest time of my period, 2. when using a sponge only put it in just before sex, use a tampon for the rest of the time and 3. get some Beppys from Europe.

I'm not very good at remembering people

I can't seem to remember faces, or names particularly well. Recently I have seen a few men about town who may or may not have been my clients. A couple have given me a little nod so I have nodded back and smiled then instantly wished I had winked because that would be a much cuter gesture... actually, I'm not that practiced with my wink, it might end up looking like I have something in my eye.

Tonight I was at a bar with some friends and met a mutual acquaintance who maybe had been a client, maybe not, I honestly don't know. I have been over my notes and don't seem to recognise him from there. But he did call me 'baby' at the bar and said when we were introduced "oh we already know each other very well". Do we? It is quite possible that he was never a client but we have met before. I do wish I had a better memory for people.

Since I last blogged I have worked another 2 shifts, the highlights include an old chinese man who was like a 12 year-old boy in mentality, he would grab my breast like he was squeezing melons, squeal in delight then hug me enthusiastically. There was an Afghani man who was hairy like a gorilla and who had shaved himself with clippers so he was prickly all over and the sheets stuck to him like velcro. There was a lovely truck driver who just wanted to talk, from him I learnt how to bleed poppies for opium. There was also a endearingly sweet man who was a virgin, I asked him if he wanted to stay that way, he said yes, so I gave him an amazing body slide - thanks to the amazing body slide technique taught to me by Dorian - and he left satisfied and with his virginity still in tack.

The boy continues to be amazingly tolerant of my lifestyle choice, a quality that I treasure, it can't be easy dating a hooker. I asked around the other working girls and they generally don't tell their partners. One client I had dated a working girl for a long time and said he found it very hard. Relationships do change things, I can't quite put my finger on it at the moment but I find I spent a lot more time acting at work now, as opposed to just being. I don't speak to the boy about specific events at work. I even found myself unusually uncomfortable talking about a recent court case in New Zealand in which a client was fined for requesting to not use a condom during oral sex (I have not been able to find any information on this online).

I went to my doctor today, got a prescription for condoms and an appointment to have a blood test to see if my last hepatitis B vaccination is still working. Prevention is better than cure.

Shifts worked : 10

Total Jobs : 41

Total unique clients : 38

In a good place right now

Today at my day job my boss - seeing I had another light week ahead - jokingly suggested that I go 'on the game' to help the company pay off it's next GST bill. I blushed, hopefully it appeared to be a blush of 'oh-the-suggestion' more than a blush of 'if-only-you-knew'. It would never have been interpreted as a blush of 'oh-I-say-that's-inappropriate-humour-for-the-workplace' as my day-job is a very fun, light, un-PC and easy-going place to work.

I didn't work in the brothel over the weekend, I had other things to do. I love the flexibility of this job. I caught up with Dorian, she occasionally does jobs for another brothel, it's a lot more exclusive than mine, and the work tends to be on-call rather than shift work. Although to demonstrate either how good she is, or how high-class her establishment is, sometimes she can be booked a week in advance.

It was great to sit down with another working girl and just chat. It has made me realise how much has changed in my life since I started working as a prostitute. Even though I only work part-time the changes have been immense.

- Finances: there is no doubt, this occupation pays well, I have a student loan debt (which doesn't really count, they are pretty ubiquitous for any New Zealander educated in the 90s) and a large ($11,500) debt from travelling (which does count). Previously this would keep me up at night, now I know that the travelling debt will be clear in one year.

- Freedom: a knock on effect from knowing I'll be debt-free (not counting student loan) in one year, and will have been able to save enough money in the year after that. I don't have to stay here in boring little New Zealand, I will be free to travel, or move, It's good to have choices.

- Home: as soon as I started working I realised that I no longer had to live in a filthy, damp, dark flat, I could get a nice place, closer to town. It is only a little bit more expensive, but before working I was reluctant to make any changes that might incur any higher outgoing costs.

- Quality of life: I'm over 30, I have lived overseas for 10 years, and even though I have always worked very mundane and unskilled jobs, I always managed to save about one third of my income, I have found that impossible in New Zealand, even though my day job pays me very well for what I do, I found myself not seeing a movie, or buying a drink because it would stretch the budget too much. I don't want to think like that in my 30s.

- Sexual confidence and competence: practice may not make perfect, but it sure helps. Getting to explore a wide variety of sexual practice is both fun and educational.

- Better understanding of men: I'm learning a lot about people. Maybe because I'm not yet jaded, I'm learning that everybody needs a bit of love, that everybody wants attention, everybody wants to be liked. Some people have to pay to get that. It seems unfair as I think everybody deserves to be loved.

- Strengthening interpersonal skills: seeing the humanness in people I think makes me a better person. Some of the skills I use in the brothel (first impressions, making people feel comfortable, sales, self-promotion etc) transfer very well to other aspects of life.

So overall I'm financially more stable, I'm more confident, and generally happier. I really don't want to glamourise prostitution too much, because it's a just a job and it does have it's own disadvantages. Working a 6 day week and not being entirely truthful to people I care about is not ideal. But at this moment, for me, it's working out really well. best decision I made since moving back to New Zealand.

A posh wank and telling The Boy.

Yesterday's shift was my slowest one yet. Only two bookings all day. It was Waitangi Day in New Zealand, a public holiday with a lot of events on, So even though it fell on a Saturday I guess the punters had other plans.

I did a "posh wank" which consisted of pulling down on the client's balls and putting a couple of fingers up his arse (inside a condom and with lube) while he masturbates. I started out trying to find the prostate, I understand it's about 4cm up on the belly side, my fingers are not that long so when I thought I had it I was limited to the types of strokes I could do. I then realised I had completely the wrong approach: I needed to look him in the eyes, thrust my hips and look like I was fucking him. It's about connecting with the client and attending to his specific needs, not about attempting a by-the-book technique. It was fun, I told him he should buy a strap-on and bring it in next time.

I have been on a few dates with a very lovely boy. It's all going well and he's utterly desirable. I invited him over to my house for dinner (with sex very much implied). We met up in the park before hand and chatted about our days, I was nervous. I would be disappointed if he couldn't handle it. I would understand if he wanted out - not every man can handle dating a women who regularly has sex with strangers. But I thought that it was his right to know what kind of woman he was getting involved with. Also, I like this guy, I want to spend time with him, I want to get to know him better, the longer I don't mention it the harder it would be, and the more I would have to omit along the way. I didn't really want to tell him, but I couldn't see a way to not tell him. Better sooner than later.

I had made him promise to keep it a secret first. I had spent the week trying to find a way to phrase it softly, I went with "On Saturdays I work part time as a prostitute". Pretty to-the-point. Surprisingly, it worked. It's cool, we were able to have an open and frank conversation. Me admitting to being less-than-ideal as a date actually allowed him to open up and admit something he had been reluctant to share. And it was all good, in fact very cathartic.

That night we had delicious sex with no time limits, no enforced showering, no secret insertions of lube, no obsessive checking of the condom, and a hell of a lot of fun. Awesome.

My first rejected client

Another day shift at the brothel, I have settled into if comfortably although I'm missing having a 2 day weekend. I do well, I have one definite regular and have received positive feedback. I've noticed that although I'm older, shorter, fatter and less provocatively dressed than the other girls I often do better.

Yesterday I got my first cancelation/rejection. A client had spent a lot of time in the lounge treating it more like a pub than a brothel, he was quite drunk. Deciding to be a bit cheeky and not to waste my time I simply said "Are you booking or looking luv?" With that he booked one hour. At the base of the stairs he grabbed my butt, I told him he had to wait till we were in the room. At the top of the stairs he did it again - "look honey, you got to understand that I don't tolerate bad behaviour, so before we go into this room you have got to understand that there are rules and etiquette and if you play up I have not problem in kicking you out." He didn't appreciate my tone or attitude so decided to cancel.

He hung around in the brothel and complained to the other girls and clients that he was being bossed around, not the best but I think empathy was biased on my side. One of the girls said that he is pretty rough even when not drunk, so even though I felt a bit shaky afterwards I was the right call and I'm glad I laid down the law.

Best thing I got from that is knowing that the shift manger had got my back. Totally. She had no qualms offering to transfer the client's hour to another girl, and when he decided to eventually leave she had no qualms giving him a full refund. She also didn't feel the need to ask me why he came back down stairs, I never had to justify or explain the clients dissatisfaction. That was cool.

I'm providing a service, I want to do the best job can, I have pride in my work, I endeavour to show each client a good time. This only works with a mutual respect and understanding. One of the understandings is that that room is my room and I set the rules and limits.

In other news, outside of work, I fancy a boy. This is new for me, I have been single for a long time, and what's playing on my head as we start dating is, when and how do I tell someone I want a sexual relationship with that I also have sex with other people? I believe in honesty, but I also believe in self preservation.

An expensive indulgence

Last Saturday I got my second outcall, this one was quite different. A young lad in his late teens or early twenties living in his well-to-do parent's house. He was on holiday and working in retail. Boy, this kid was sweet, quite nervous, thoughtful, friendly, sensitive, funny, kind. He was definitely a geeky (in a good way), and super intelligent.

Knowing that he worked in retail and was a university student I had to wonder, why would he spend so much money on the affections of a prostitute delivered to is door... this would be so much more of a sacrifice for him than for the middle aged business men who frequent the brothel. The kid had competent social skills, he was at university so had access to lots of girls, it seemed weird to me.

Then it dawned on me, he was sensitive and intelligent. I think the service I provided was about practice and trying new things. What intelligent young man would want to bumble through his first experiences with a girl he fancied when he could get some practice hours under his belt and really get to know his way around a woman's body without the emotional attachment or the worry of what she thought of him.

I now have a regular slot at the brothel doing a day shift one day a week, so I'm officially a part time prostitute. Whoo-hoo. I have also refined my notes for my own curiosity and record, it helps to have them on hand when a familiar face walks through the door, I can quickly look them up and remember what they like. I had my first repeat customer too, a sign of a good hooker, it gives me pride in my work.

Here is that data I'm collecting (note a few of these things I have to guess as I'm not going to interview every client or have the time to extract the information in conversation, and of course a couple are just my opinion):

How much time did he book?

what is his age?

what is his nationality?

what is his ethnicity?

is he circumcised?

did he ask for extras? (I don't do extras like anal or without condom but of course get asked)

what is his kissing like on a scale of one to ten?

what is his sexual ability like on a scale of one to ten?

Is he a unique or repeat customer?

Was it an outcall?

I think I can honestly maintain this job for a full year. My biggest fear at the moment is the social stigma, it'll be big for me if people found out and I don't sit comfortably with secrets. Although having said that it does kind of feel like I have a secret identity... almost like a superhero.

Shifts worked: 6

Unique clients: 25

Total jobs: 26

January sales and a thesis to prove

Back from holiday and back to work. I have a list now of the details that I'll collect. Mostly because it's fascinating, a bit because it is nice to have a record and know if I don't write it down it could all fade into a haze, and also because I have a theory...

Previous experience has led me to believe that circumcised men complain more about wearing condoms (presumably because they have lost a useful section of skin with about 10,000 delightful nerve endings and because their sensitive internal organ has been forced to become an exposed external organ) and circumcised men are worse at sex (again I assume it is due to the loss of feeling that they need to bang away like pumpjack). Male circumcision never bothered me before but now as I'm seeing the direct effect it has on men the more I am outraged by it.

Obviously whether a man is 'good' as sex or not is personal opinion, so any data I collect on that is utterly fallible. However it has astounded me how many men protest using a condom when with a prostitute. I mean really, what are they thinking!? And those requests can categorically be monitored as they are declined.

I also indulged in the January sales buying 4 cocktail dresses for work. Next month I'll start saving.

Happy Holidays

The joy of a New Zealand Christmas is that the Summer weather is wonderful. It's the best time of year to take off.

I worked on Christmas Eve - my first day shift. It was a very civilised 9am - 7pm slot which suits me a lot better that the 7pm - 9am night(mare) shift. It was very steady and I managed to get 6 jobs; my largest yet.

The brothel was closed on Christmas day. I would not have worked Christmas day, it's a day where family comes first. I ended up having a great day hanging out with my immediate family.

I worked Boxing Day which was much quieter, only 4 jobs. But, I had my first outcall. What happens on an outcall: the driver drops the girl outside the house/hotel, she goes in, she receives and counts the money and then phones the brothel. If everything is ok she simply says so, of anything is not ok here is a subtle code word slipped into the sentence. If that code word is said the driver will come back to the door otherwise the driver will slip away.

I have never felt more hookerish than knocking on someone's door at two in the afternoon deep in the suburbs whilst wearing an evening dress and stilettos... only to emerge smoothing my hair an hour later.

Over the weekend I also has the pleasure of meeting my favourite client (so far). A salesman, sweet, straight to the point and absolutely comfortable with prostitution (it seems amazing how many clients are not that comfortable with hiring a woman for sex despite the fact that that is what they are there for). He comes for sex, he is polite and friendly but never in doubt that he is there for a service. He knows the rules and doesn't overstep the mark. He would be a regular that I would be delighted to see again.

One of the things I have been curious about is the numbers, how many people a prostitute has sex with, so I'll keep a running total.

Shifts worked: 4

Unique clients: 19

Total jobs: 19

I'm thinking about taking the opportunity to start recording other details (the relation between foot size and penis size has been well documented as myth so I won't bother with that one) I was thinking about a comparison between those who attempt to take liberties (ask not to wear a condom or not take a shower) to demographics like age or nationality. I'll have a think about it and come up with a spreadsheet for the new year.

I have changed the setting so that now you can make comments anonymously - but you still have to do a catchapa.

Deal breakers

Prostitution is not your normal day job. It can be physically and emotionally draining, the service we provide the clients is personal, intimate and completely customised. There are a lot of things to consider so I've come up with a list of deal-breakers. When I know that this is not right for me, or when I've had enough. I'm not going to put a time limit on it, nor will I pack it in if I have a bad night... all jobs have good days and bad days. it's a learning curve, this is something I want to get good at. It's something I want to learn.

deal-breakers:

• If part time prostitution in any way effects my day-job. I love my day job, I get paid well for what I do, it's fun and secure. I don't ever want to turn up to work tired, run-down or not focused.

• If I ever feel like the management has not got my back. I am pretty good at looking after myself, and I have the law on my side but if push came to shove I have to be certain that the establishment put me before the client.

• If I ever don't want to do it. Seems obvious I know, but many people stay in a job they don't like. I'm doing this for interest not for need.

I'm sure I'll come back and add to this page, but for now, that's it.

I'm going to pop in to the brothel to see what their Christmas hours are and if I can pick up a day shift before I head off on a Summer break, I have a cute red dress and a santa hat that really doesn't get enough time out of the closet.